


Hear Me

by grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol



Series: NeoUniStuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol/pseuds/grimBleeper_Arcas_Corricol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat has a mental breakdown after going through a hard day in class; this culminates when he gets home and finds out that he hates everyone more than usual for some reason.<br/>This one takes place around the time of The Last Night, maybe two days ago...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear Me

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s based on personal experience and a recent emotional outburst that made me want to write about it. I wanted to dedicate this story to two of my new friends because they’re cool people but I also need to say that if you’re reading this, nothing that you guys have done exacerbated or caused my breakdown. Just because I’m feeling bad and I didn’t tell you about it absolutely does not mean it is your faults. You guys are awesome.

I’m hunched over at my table, frantically splitting my attention between the professor’s lecture, my notes, and the diagrams in my textbook. Like everyone else, I’m getting the recording of whatever the doctor’s going on about later so I can listen back in my own time because god knows that I won’t get everything down. It’s not really that he doesn’t speak loudly enough, the acoustics in this hall are pretty fucking majestic, but instead, it’s more that I can’t really pay attention in class with all these assholes surrounding me. I don’t have a bad history with biology and my exam results reflect that, top 5% for everything out of my class but holy fucking shit do I have a bad history of collaboration and teamwork.

I hear a pen clatter behind me and I instinctively tense up, my back straightening and my muscles clenching to spin around and punch the fucker, dipshit behind me must have dropped it again for like the fourth fucking time today. I grit my teeth and grind them against one another, I can feel my jaw moving and it makes a little popping noise, inaudible to anyone but me. My hand reactively tightens around my mechanical pencil and I’m thankful that the metal casing will prevent me from snapping it in a blind rage. It was funny the first few times in primary school but that and the splinters got annoying real quick.

By the time the lecture ends, I’ve already gone through two lines of pencil lead and little grey shards of graphite lie randomly on the table, victims of my wrath. I stuff my books and my laptop into my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I’m the first out the door, rushing to get away from these fucktards and the maddening noise that follows the end of a class; I picked the seat closest to the door just for this reason. There aren’t many people in the hallways so I stand up straighter; it’s kind of relieving not having to worry about other people. I make sure to stride quickly over to the exit. I can hear the murmurs of the other people and it spurs me on, fuelling this anxiety that gnaws at the back of my mind, distracting me from everything. I feel my shoulder brush against the lock on a locker and I jerk my whole body away to prevent myself from smashing my shoulder against a corner when I turn.

When I push open the doors, the sunlight and heat hits me right in the face, the warm air smothering my skin like some kind of flying, suffocating blanket. I automatically raise a hand to cover my pale face as I try to push forward and back into the shade. My head starts spinning as the heat gets to me and I stagger over to a tree and lean against it, one arm braced above my hanging head. Fucking hell, that’s annoying. Apart from the fact that it’s like forty four goddamned degrees, it’s a perfect day. Scratch that, it could do with a bit more wind.

The sound of the rabble grows and I push off, doing my best to not collapse before I reach my dorms which are on the far side of the campus. There are a few more people on this side but I do my best to ignore them, making sure to walk in a wide berth around them so that I don’t awkwardly bump shoulders and have to drop all my books and pick them back up and say sorry while they just stare at me like a fucking asshole. Because that happened once and I fucking refuse to go through that shit ever again.

I reach into my bag to get out my water bottle. I quickly unscrew the lid and tip the bottle and my head back, chugging the ice-cold water to prevent any oncoming fainting spells. A bit of water sloshes out when I look back in the direction that I’m walking and even though only a small stream goes down my hand, it’s still more refreshing than nothing. Luckily, there’s a bit of a colonnade along the way back to the dorms, they cast long shadows which make the trek a lot more bearable.

Once I get to the building, I stumble past the automatic sliding doors. The person on secretary duty today gives me a friendly wave and I weakly raise a hand in return. The elevator looks to still be broken which fucking sucks. On the bright side, maintenance was called in two weeks ago; downside is that the appointment is scheduled for two weeks later which means to more weeks of these stupid stairs. I take another drink before gripping the bannister tightly; pulling myself up as my feet weakly drag themselves and I push myself forward step by step. Even with the air conditioning turned on to make this as liveable an environment as possible, I still feel like I’m going to pass out.

A sign reading 12 comes up soon enough after I limp my way back to my shared room, leaning against the wall all the way. I feebly rap at the door with my knuckles and stab my fingernails into my palms, waiting impatiently for Sollux to answer the door. He opens up after what seems like an eternity. My vision’s already blurring and the yellow of his shirt starts blending into the background.

“Hey, KK, how wa-“ he starts.

I don’t let him finish because I fall straight into him as my balance decides to stick its head up its ass and my vision decides to fuck itself into oblivion.

 

My eyes flicker open as I take in my surroundings. I almost don’t recognise the furniture at the edges of my vision before I realise that I’m on the couch. I shakily rotate my head to the side and I spot Sollux on the other arm of the L staring at his laptop.

“Finally awake?” he asks, still looking at whatever he’s doing.

“Fuck, I feel like a fucking baked potato. Did I collapse?” I mutter groggily.

“Mhm, you got to the front door before dropping, though. I got there just in time to catch your sorry ass.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem, did you bring water with you when you went out?”

“Yeah, guess I didn’t anticipate hell merging with the Earth just to fuck me over.”

“And that’s why I stayed inside today” he says smugly.

“Fuck you, you’re just lucky you didn’t have class today” I retort.

“That could be a bit of a contributing factor. Do you wanna stay down there for a bit?”

“I’ll take you up on that offer; wake me up at six so my stomach doesn’t eat itself, ok?”

“Fine by me, not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon”

“Mm, thanks.” I mumble as I turn to face the back of the couch. There’s a single soft cushion underneath my head but with the way it’s feeling, I fall asleep quickly anyways.

 

“Hey, hey! Get the fuck up.” Sollux says as he pushes at my shoulder.

I twist and shrug him off before sitting up slowly and rubbing at my eyes. “What time is it?” I wonder.

“Six already, you ok now?”

“Good as I’m going to get.”

“Cool, I’m getting pizza, anything you want in particular?” he asks as he swipes around on his phone, probably putting in his order of barbecue honey chicken.

“Get me the beef and onion, deep pan, I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to need to fill my stomach with something just in case I throw up the first few slices.”

“Too much information, asshole.” He grins as he finishes up on the order and sends it in. Sollux is a frequent customer with the local pizza place and his past advertising and web design work with it got him some kind of lifetime employee discount that they’re happy to let him abuse. “You still don’t look so hot, need anything?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“Don’t bother, I’ll get it myself.” I say as I stagger to my feet. I make my way to the kitchen by following the walls. My hand slides and bumps over every obstacle on the way but at least I don’t trip over or black out. I open the fridge and pull out a pitcher which I use to pour water into a glass. The cold numbs my hand but I drink it anyways before slamming the glass back onto the counter. “Is the aircon even on?”

“Been on since before you got back, dude, you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, I am fucking ok, just pissed.”

“Normal pissed or totally urinated over something in particular?”

“And since when do you care?”

“I don’t know, maybe it was ever since you collapsed on me? How about because I’m your roommate? Or even the fact that you’ve been steadily fucking deteriorating ever since Kanaya went over out east with her girlfriend and you’ve been practically moping ever since?”

“I’m going to take this slowly” I begin, flexing my fingers. “First, I already fucking thanked you for that. Second, woop-de-fucking-doo, but thanks. Finally, don’t mention Kanaya.”

“My point exactly” he closes his laptop and leans against the back of the sofa to look me in the eye. “You need help and you won’t go find it, that’s what I’m here for. Do you remember what we fucking agreed to when we moved in together?”

“Ugh, not in the mood for delving that far into this shitstorm I call a mindscape” I say exasperatedly.

“Well then, how about I remind you? Remember when I was still on something like five times the anti-depressants that I’m on right now?”

“Yeah, when we first moved in. You took up two cupboards with all your shitty drugs.”

“Y’know why I don’t need to take so many anymore?”

“No. Can this conversation take place at another time, I’m really not feeling it right now” I slap my hand over my face and rub my temples with my thumb and forefinger. My eyes are clenched shut as I try to stave off the dull ache that grows from within the back of my head.

“We can, but you need to hear this part at least.”

“Argh, get this fucking done so I can black out.” I snap, I feel my emotional leash snapping and my rage becomes unbounded.

“Stay put, I’m coming to get you” Sollux puts his laptop to the side and slowly rises from his spot.

“I can get back to my room just fine, thank you very fuckin much.” I grind my fist against my thigh, feeling the sharp pain of bone against bone.

“Like hell you can. Take your fucking hand off your stupid face and look how much your head’s sank.” He commands, his tone triggers something in me, something which makes me want to punch him in his stupid face.

I do as he says anyways and my head jerks back when I see how close I am to leaning completely down, I flinch backwards in my chair and nearly fall, grabbing onto the counter to make sure I don’t topple over and add concussion to my current ailments. But I keep slipping and as I slowly lose purchase on the stone surface, my perception of time stagnates. I can feel something rushing straight to my head and I feel everything going dizzy again. Time flows again when the stool completely tips over and I black out just as my head starts tipping faster.

 

When I regain consciousness, the first thing I feel is my fingers twitching, making tiny creases in the bedsheets. Something sounds like Sollux’s voice and I try my best to hear what he’s saying.

“Yeah, he’s still out.”

“Nah, he didn’t say much.”

“All he did say was that he’s pissed.”

“What do I think?”

“He’s not doing well, even if we don’t count the fact that he fainted because of the fucking heat, his mental state isn’t exactly peachy.”

“Yeah, I’ve been talking to him, that’s how I know his mind’s been going in a spiral of pissiness.”

“He collapsed because, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s fucking hot.”

“Yeah, he did bring water, at least that’s what he told me.”

“He took a drink after he woke up from his first blackout if that’s what you’re asking about.”

“Uh huh, he collapsed after the drink.”

I struggle to open my eyes and catch a glimpse of Sollux hunching over me as he talks on a phone before my eyes flutter closed again. My arms feel like jelly as I strain to move them. I push my hand feebly against his knee, a desperate attempt to get his attention.

“Wait, pretty sure KK’s awake now.” Sollux takes my hand into his as he rubs his thumb against the back of my hand. “Hey, sorry about that.”

“What are you sorry for?” I slur, only half of my mouth moving while the other half is smushed against the pillow. I can feel the light pattern that he’s drawing out when his fingernail softly drags against my skin.

“For being an ass, sorry. You mind if I put Kanaya on speakerphone?”

“Kanaya?” I whimper.

“Yeah, sent her a message as soon as I dropped you off here. She called me back a minute ago.”

“Mm, fine.” I grumble, I missed Kanaya but it probably won’t feel the same if she’s not here.

“Hey, Kanaya, putting you on speakerphone, Karkat should be able to hear you now.” Sollux says as he sets the phone next to my head. The bright lights kinda hurt so I squeeze my eyelids shut further.

“Karkat, is there a problem” Kanaya’s soothing voice emanates from in front of my face, the dripping concern dissolving my remaining emotional barriers.

I try to hold it back but a sob escapes my throat. My breath hitches as the tears flow down my face and into the pillow, soaking the fabric. I grope at my bedside table for a tissue and I feel Sollux press one into my wandering hand. “I miss you, I miss you so much, I didn’t think I would miss you this much but I-“ I start crying uncontrollably, fruitlessly trying to hold back the tears.

“It’s ok, Karkat. I’m here.”

“Mm” I push my head further into my pillow.

“Can you tell me what’s been happening lately?”

“I just, I don’t know! Everything seemed so normal until I fucked up.” I wail.

“You didn’t mess up, Karkat.”

“Of course I did, it’s all my fault!” I scream before wiping at my eyes again.

“Why do you think it’s your fault?” Kanaya asks.

“If, if I wasn’t so weak, then I wouldn’t be like this. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate how weak I am and how I’m being such a fucking baby about this!”

“And you sincerely believe this?”

“I know it. I don’t know why I’m so stupid all of a sudden or why I feel like shit, I don’t know anymore.”

“It’s going to be ok, we’re going to talk it out slowly, ok?”

“It’s not going to be fucking ok. I don’t know anymore. Everything feels numb, why?”

“Karkat, I want you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“Take a deep breath.”

“Mm.”

“Let it out slowly.” I feel my chest expand against the mattress as I comply. “Now again, in … and out. Are you feeling better now?”

I hiccup once “I still feel kinda lost, and sad. My head aches a bit and it feels hollow. I guess I’m calmer now, I think.” I dab at my eyes with the tissue.

“How ln has it been since you last talked to someone about your stress?”

“Last time was just before, hic, just before you left. Just before you left. “

“And you didn’t talk to Sollux at all about any of your problems?”

“No, he, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know him or do you not know why you can’t tell him?

“Second one, he’s not you.”

“Karkat, you needed to tell someone, you’re hurting yourself by not opening up.”

“I know, it’s just … hard. I know I need to let it all out but he’s not you.”

“You’ve known him since we started highschool, you’ve been his friend for so long.”

“So what if he’s my friend? Just means that I do my best not to bother him with my problems.”

“That’s not what friends are for, Karkat. Sollux.”

“Yeah?” Sollux answers, he takes one bony hand off mine and starts rubbing circles around the small of my back. I lean forward into him as his arm wraps around my shoulders.

“You mentioned something about talking to Karkat before he fainted, correct?”

“Yeah”

“Did he go into any particular depth on his mental state?

“No I did not.” I interrupt.

Kanaya sighs “Karkat, you’ve been with Sollux for so long, you need to learn to trust him. Like you trust me.”

I blink at Sollux, trying to process Kanaya’s suggestion. “I, I don’t think I can do that, you’re. You’re special. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like you’re a part of me and I care about you in the exact same way that I care for myself. Except I don’t hate you. Does that make sense?”

“I understand. However, you need to learn to include other people in your life. I can’t be here for you forever.”

“I know, it’s just … I can’t deal with it right now.”

“Should I come back?”

“No!” I shout.

“You don’t want me there?” Kanaya says in a shocked manner. I really hope that I didn’t offend her.

“No, I mean, no, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Karkat, if it will help you, then you know that I will do whatever I need to.”

“But aren’t you taking your courses over there?”

“I am, might I remind you that it is also no trouble at all for me to move across universities.”

“But what about Rose? I don’t matter as much as she does and I don’t want to bother you.” I say frantically. Shit, I don’t want to break them up after all they’ve gone through together. I don’t care about myself if it means that Kanaya will be safe and sound. I don’t know.

“To my understanding, her brother attends your university and she would have no trouble moving with me. Her performance in her studies will definitely be more than enough to transfer. If you are sincerely curious, she is currently in another room because I had indicated that I wished to speak to you in private. She is being courteous and not abruptly interjecting anything due to my request.” Kanaya explained. “Would you prefer it if we moved?”

I grunted into my pillow, not wanting to seem needy but not wanting to seem rude either.

“Apologies, Karkat, you will have to speak more clearly.”

“Yes.” I mumbled.

“That settles it, it should only take a week before the paperwork is finished.” Kanaya decided, displaying a delighted inflection.

“Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, it is my decision to take care of you or not, it is not your burden.”

“Thanks.”

“That is better. Sollux.”

“Yeah?”

“Please make sure Karkat eats and sleeps properly before we get there. I would be disappointed if I arrived to find a dehydrated and decaying corpse to take care of.”

“I swear that he won’t be any more dead than he already is.” Sollux laughed.

“Thank you. Karkat, take care, you can always call me again if you need to speak. Even if you don’t want to speak, I still have Pesterchum on my phone and computer.”

“Yeah, love you, Kanaya.”

“I love you too.”

The end call tone played and I rolled onto my side to look at Sollux. He was swiping at his phone, an amused smile on his face. He moved his hand over to my head and mussed with my hair.

“Get better soon, Karkat. I’ll be out there if you need me?” he said as he rose. “Just call.”

“Thanks for doing this, Sollux.”

“No problem, you’d have done the same for me if I was this deep down.”

I rolled over and shut my eyes again, clutching the blanket to my chest. I could feel the pull of sleep and how it numbed my mind. A mental image of Kanaya weaved together in my mind and I fell asleep, smiling all the way at the hope that she would be here in only a week.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. Thanks and credit to whoever (I forgot your username already) asked if this series will go on. I have an idea for the final chapter (I might write it but that isn’t my primary fic or concern right now) but I might forget it. I’ll only use this series as an emotional vent for me to express any pent up feelings in the form of fanfiction. Thanks, everyone, you guys are awesome.


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